I Am Pain
by ragamuffin009
Summary: Nobody calls Kankurou by name anymore. It doesn't matter. Kankurou doesn't even know his own name after what was done to him. All the poor boy knows... Is pain. GaaKanku, SandCest. AngstAngstAngst.
1. An Introduction of Sorts

Everyone knows to stay away from Gaara.

If you cross Gaara, he'll put you in a living hell. No matter who you are. Even if you're supposed to be his brother.

Everyone knows that.

Nobody calls Kankurou by name any more. They always call him 'the Kazekage's son,' or, 'that poor boy.' It doesn't matter. After Gaara got done with the boy, Kankurou didn't know his own name. According to the medical nin, his mind was on the verge of a complete breakdown that would have turned him into nothing but a slack-jawed shell of a human being, muttering to himself in gibberish. So, in order to keep himself sane, his mind kind of did a system-restart: all of his memories, thoughts, knowledge, all the people he knew, every kill he'd made, every jutsu he'd ever learned, all gone. All that remained were basic systems and a question: _Who am I?_ The Kazekage's son was placed in the care of his sister, or rather, the girl who used to be his sister. He couldn't remember, and she never spoke a word to him. She was half-ashamed, half-afraid of what had happened to him.

Things continued on as they always had for a few months, untill word reached the Sand that the Chunin exams were to be held in the Leaf, and soon. Well, the Kazekage had been acting a little strange lately, and formed a plan to join with the Sound and invade the Leaf. No one thought twice about it; after all, even if their leader was a bit... screwed up in the head, he was still their leader and they followed him without question. Those who didn't... Got a visit from Gaara.

But something strange happened when the two 'siblings' set out for the exams that were doomed to be interrupted. Upon tripping over some object in that poor boy's old room (she was in there to get a scroll, but found she must have moved it to her room), she discovered two things: One, the object tripped over happened to be the ugly puppet she'd aways despised, and two, as Karasu let out an irritated yell and then swore...

The puppet had somehow retained a portion of its owner's soul.

After being carefully studied by Chiyo, the old woman, it became known that the puppet could stand-in for the Kazekage's son, not only in battle, but in everything. Apparently, using the body-switch jutsu normally didn't have adverse effects, but Karasu was not a normal puppet. Sasori, the former puppet master, had performed many experiments on it, which had led to the strange ability to absorb a sliver of the user's life force every time the jutsu was used on it.

And so, Karasu became part of the plan. It was a simple matter to disguise one of the older puppets, Kuroari, as Karasu. Even simpler to disguise the latter as the boy.

The three 'siblings' from the Sand were back.

Temari was both frightened and annoyed by the new addition.

Gaara held it in indifference. This was not his old toy, just a fake used for deception.

And so, the Chunin exams began, and it became abundantly clear that Karasu was so good at being the poor boy, that it even lost, backed down, and made mistakes when it deemed necessary. An almost perfect copy. Not many people could tell the difference. It was as if the Kazekage's son was truly back.

But everyone knew there was no coming back for the true Kankurou.


	2. A Brief Narrative

All right, I'll admit he wasn't the best looking guy ever. Okay, and he wasn't really Miss Manners. And he _definitely_ wasn't the luckiest guy around. But he was my brother. Yeah, I'll admit it now, after almost a year of denying that I ever had anything to do with the sad little fuck.

How could Chiyo ever say that _thing_ could stand in for my brother? The one good thing about the poor boy being like he was… is that I thought I'd never have to see that wretched thing again. Looks like I was wrong.

Father. I can't believe you, father. See what your stupid plan has gotten you? Mother and Uncle are dead, your oldest son is nothing but a soulless husk for God's sake, and you _know_ all about your youngest. And I'm stuck here, cleaning up after you!

But really. What did you think I was going to do? Blame myself and insist I could have done something to stop the inevitable? Sob uncontrollably into a tissue and wail the poor idiot's petname? No! I'm stronger than that. I've killed people before. And I know I'm a better all-around ninja than _both_ of my brothers.

Yes, both. Gaara may be able to manipulate sand and blah, blah, blah. But I actually have the skills! Taijutsu, which neither of them could do at _all,_ genjutsu, especially dispelling it, and of _course_, ninjutsu, one of my greatest strengths.

You know, the poor boy once came home from a solo mission bawling his eyes out because someone sent him to kill a child? What happened to all of the psychological training we undertook for missions like that? Honestly, he's almost as bad as... Oh wait, I forgot. We're still in the Chunin exams part of the story. I can't talk about those guys yet.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes.

The Chunin exams were a joke, a waste of time, and the only time in a year I found myself actually able to have a conversation with my brother. Not Gaara, of course.

Yeah, I talked to the puppet, okay? Maybe… I'm not admitting to anything, but maybe… it wasn't _that_ horrible to feel like I had him back… Just for a moment, at least, when I looked at him. I remember that stupid look on his face-That cocky grin he always seemed to have on, one eye closed, one open… It was… what can I say?

It was nostalgic.

Yes, for the first three days, it was okay again. And then we found out why we were really there.

And everything went to hell.


	3. The First Intermission

The first time it happened, he was scared.

The fear he felt had nothing to do with what was soon to happen to him. No, the poor boy was afraid because he had just had a nightmare. Not an ordinary person's nightmare either. He was no ordinary person, with a much more daunting than ordinary life. So it stood to reason that his nightmares would be that much more terrifying.

The worst part was that as he woke up from this nightmare, he saw the object of that very dream standing in the doorway to his bedroom. He let out a short scream, then sat up in the bed, panting.

Gaara glided over to him and smiled. The smile sent shivers down his spine. He swallowed hard and asked, his voice quavering, "Wh-what are you doing in here, G-Gaara?"

"Mother wants something tonight… I don't understand what she wants… It isn't _blood…_" The redhead licked his lips. "I don't know what to give her besides that…"

"I-I.." He struggled to say something, but the fear was choking him… No, that wasn't fear. That was… _Sand._ He started panicking. Sand plus Gaara equals death.

But the sand wasn't suffocating him or crushing him. It was bringing him closer to Gaara. He struggled, trying to break its grasp, but he couldn't. He was completely helpless. He was at Gaara's mercy.

"I will, Mother… I'm trying…" Gaara said, clutching his head. "But you do want blood too… Don't you?" His face was level with Gaara's now.

"P-please-" He stuttered, still writhing in the sand. Then, all of a sudden…

Gaara bit down on his tongue. He let out a whimper of pain and tried to pull away, but the sand was holding him in place. No, now it wasn't just holding him in place… It was undressing him.

The first time it happened, something inside Kankurou started to crack.


	4. An Explanation

While Karasu and the others went to Konoha, I took Kankurou to a special place to see if he could remember anything. I had been studying him for a while, and it seemed to relate to a pattern. During a new moon, he seemed to become more like himself. But when a full moon appeared, he was mute and his eyes went dull.

I wished to investigate this further. We needed Kankurou back. We, naturally, meaning the puppeteer corps. He was quite the prodigy. He could have been on the same level as my grandson in ten or fifteen years.

"_Just think of it,"_ I said to him one day, when he was twelve, _"You, wielding one hundred puppets."_

"_Yeah,"_ he cried, _"I could do that! That would sure be making something of myself, Chiyo-sensei!"_

In his current state, that wouldn't be happening. And this had lost him a good year of training. I needed to find a way to reverse it. Tonight was a new moon, so I took him to my meditation garden.

"So," I said, sitting cross-legged across the tiny stream from him, "What do you remember?"

"Nothing," he answered in a monotone.

"Do you remember your name?"

"No.

"Would you like me to tell it to you?" He looked up, the same blank expression in his eyes.

"You know it?"

"Yes. Normally it's taboo to say it out loud. Then again, it's also taboo to speak to you. I can't be troubled with such trivialities." I took a sip of tea.

"So I have a name…" For a second, humanity flashed through his eyes.

"It's Kankurou."

"Kan…Kurou? Peace and Hardship?"

"Yes, exactly."

"I see."

"Do you remember anything at all?"

"I told you, no. I don't remember a thing. I didn't know my name, but now I do… That blonde girl would just stare at me when I asked her anything."

"That girl is your sister, Temari."

"Oh."

"I could tell you anything you wanted…"

"Why…" He said, slowly unwinding the bandage from his face, "Why do I hurt all the time?" Sand and blood dripped to the ground. "Why doesn't someone help me?"


	5. A Personal Tale of Irritance

I never liked brats. I mean, kids. I never liked them. _Especially _him.

Every day I was forced to work with those three bra-erm, kids. It was irksome.

The girl would try to tell _me_ how to supervise the training and criticize the other two for not being able to complete something she, herself, hadn't attempted. The older boy would always complain about me pushing him and his sister too hard, and bitched at me for '_Not understanding the Puppet Master's role on a team.'_ Because apparently, fooling around with screwdrivers was more important than actual physical training. And, of course, the demon stayed silent, which I guess was good, but he still creeped me the hell out.

So it was fair and balanced _irritancy._

But, I kept my mouth shut most of the time. After all, what would the Kazekage care that his brats were annoying a lowly Jonin? I put up with them, day after day, and tried my _best _to teach them at least enough skills to complete missions without getting themselves killed.

Then, _he_ cracked up… leaving me with, basically, just the girl to train. I mean, just how much can you try to teach someone who has the _natural_ ability to control sand? The girl actually improved more quickly without the other two. If the demon was a normal person, she would have been the strongest on the team. If they had a mission where they didn't need to kill someone, it was her game. Of course, if she was on a solo mission involving assassination, she could take care of that just as easily.

Meanwhile, the boy had no training. It seemed that we were just to forget he ever existed. _I_ certainly had no problems with it. I hated him. He was annoying, stubborn, and downright _uppity._ Chiyo, on the other hand, was pissed off. I didn't talk to the old woman very often, but word was she went to the Kazekage _demanding_ to see him… And was denied. Over and over. No big deal to me.

Oh, but then, the Chunin exams. I swear, I'm going to die of stress someday. The worst of them, the biggest brat, was _back._

Oh, but there's a plus side.

He came with an off switch this time.


	6. The Second Intermission

**"Kushin."**

**"Yes, that sounds about right. What does it mean?"**

"Pain, trouble, anxiety, diligence, and hard work."

"Yes. That will be my new name, and I will make a new life for myself."

"Are you sure you will take the name Kushin?"

"Absolutely. I will become a different sort of ninja, and I will not be from any village. I won't use puppets. I'll use Genjutsu."

"If that is what you want, Kushin. I will go find someone to train you in that who isn't from this village. I'll also find someone to help you with…"

"This?"

"Yes. A medical ninja for your wounds."

"Arigato, Chiyo-obaachan."

"I'll be back in two weeks with your new family."

"Will you be part of my new family, too?"

"…Moshikashitara…"

"I hope you do… I like you. You've been so kind to me, and helpful… It makes me sad for you to leave me for this long…"

Chiyo looked up, memories glimmering in her old eyes.

"…Sayonara... Grandson."

_**A short note: **__For this story, picture everything up until the Sasuke retrieval arc happening exactly the same way. Also, most of the things revealed during Shipuuden (Excluding Sasori's and Chiyo's pasts and the members of the Akatsuki) will have to be changed for this plot to work. Keep this in mind throughout the rest of the story._

_**Glossary: **_

_Arigato-Thank you_

_Obaachan-Grandma_

_Moshikashitara-Maybe; perhaps_

_Sayonara-Goodbye_


	7. An opinion :OR: The only lead we have

What can I say about Kankurou?

I hate him. He's a jerk. Jerk jerk jerk. The biggest asshole I ever met, dattebayo. I mean, just look at the first time I met him! Threatening a kid like that! Who the hell does he think he is, 'ttebayo?

I mean, he called me a runt. No one calls _me _a runt and gets away with it! I don't know what his problem is, but…

Well, actually, yeah, I _do_ know what his problem is, dattebayo.

Later on, when we found out the Sand Siblings' dirty little secret, I wanted to kill them! I mean… How could something like that have happened? Who would have _let _it happen? When I find out, they're going to have to answer to me, Naruto Uzumaki! The next Hokage, dattebayo! When I'm Hokage, I'm going to have to have a really long chat with whoever runs the Sand village!

Things won't be like that forever. I'll make sure of it.

There are people suffering over there, 'ttebayo. If that's how someone who was _protected _all their life ended up, someone important, and a ninja too, imagine all of the regular people-the citizens!

But I'm getting ahead of myself. The Chunin exams were… Not what I expected them to be. I mean, I never could have guessed that the guy who beat Kabuto's teammate, the guy who fought Shino, who talked to me after Hinata's fight and looked worried during Bushy Brows', wasn't real. Apparently he was that creepy puppet the whole time! But I had other things to worry about. I mean, Orochimaru, dattebayo! Now _there's_ a bad guy, if I ever met one!

But what we didn't know was that there was a new enemy already forming right under our noses, 'ttebayo. And I'm not talking about Uchiha Itachi and his fish friend, Kisame.

The Eisei clan: Kushin, Senshi, Rudorori and Mazamaru the monkey, Ririka, and the old woman only known as Obaachan. Each one skilled in a certain Ninja art.

This was the new threat to both Konoha and Suna alike. But if you want to know about them, you'd have to talk to Shikamaru or that girl from the sand village, dattebayo. I was away when they came.


	8. A Misgiving Revealed :OR: A Lead Denied

So, you want me to tell you what really went down during the invasion? Or are you all set with the lies you spin your children? Oh, don't give me that, Ibiki. I know all of your tricks. Psychological torture simply won't work. Now, I'd be happy to tell you the true story behind the death of the Yondaime Kazekage. I just have a few conditions.

One, there is one in your village called Aburame Shino. I require a talk with him after my part of the story is done. Let's just say he knows more than he's letting on.

Two, my release form your prison. You probably saw that coming. Well, I have _much_ work to do, and I'm afraid I simply can't get it done here.

Three, I'd like access to a certain book, currently in possession of the Hokage. It's absolutely vital that I get a hold of this book. It could be a matter of life or death for someone very near and dear to me.

Myself? Oh, no. Not for me. For Orochimaru-sama. No, I can't tell you that. Nice try.

Will you give me these three things?

Excellent.

All right, the real story behind the Kazekage's death.

As you can assume, Orochimaru _was_ behind the invasion. But neither he, nor anyone under his command committed the actual act. You see, that was done by a roving band of rouge ninja referring to themselves as the Eisei clan. Oh, you've heard of them, have you? I understand they've given Konoha quite a bit of trouble lately.

Yes, well, two of them seemed to have a real grudge against the_ honorable_ Yondaime. The boy, Kushin, I believe it was, and the young girl, Senshi. Although, it may have been that Kushin was the one with the grudge, and Senshi agreed with him. I've had dealings with her in the past, and she gets very… fired up when one of her own is threatened or wronged somehow.

I believe it was Senshi that came up with the plan to frame Orochimaru. After all, have you spoken to the boy? Not quite right in the head, and I'm sure you agree with me. The girl, though, she has a head on her shoulders to rival that of your own little genius, Nara Shikamaru. By the way, I wouldn't bother trying to get any information out of him. He only knows what he's been told.

By who? Well, that takes the fun out of it. You'll just have to wait and see.

Heh… something smells rotten in the state of Konoha, eh?

But I digress. Senshi put together a plan to assassinate the Kazekage. I'm sure, due to Kushin's genjutsu ability, that in his last moments he saw things no one should see. Have you ever been caught in one of his spells? Nearly impossible to break, and it fools your senses into thinking you're experiencing the worst pain imaginable, both physically and emotionally.

One can only wonder where he takes inspiration from.

Now, the older three of the clan and the monkey, Mazamaru, had no idea that their "children" were plotting this attempt. They weren't planning on getting involved with the invasion, no, although we _did_ offer them a position. They didn't take it, although they did not give grounds for it. The old woman simply asked if Orochimaru was still in the Akatsuki, and when we said he wasn't, they left.

Two days later, we found the corpse of the Kazekage and the two children. Kushin spat on it then walked on, and Senshi giggled and followed him. I simply asked what they had done, and Kushin replied, in a calm tone of voice, "Killed the first of four people on my list."

Yes, he has a list of people to kill, and no, I don't know who was on it.

Look, that's all I know, and if you don't mind I'd like to speak with the Aburame boy and collect my book before I leave.


End file.
